I don’t regret
Knowing all I know
Meeting and being with you.
Just spilled ink and missed phone calls.
I’ve given you stars
That dimly cry
That shine so sadly.
I know the anger will fade
When you see the parts of me
That were wrapped in selfish sickness.
I am what is wrong with me.
I fight this suicidal me
This better half of me.
We should swing fists and sex at each other.
We can stay angry at each other for the rest of your life.
I don’t hate anyone, unless you’re counting me.
And I never do, so why should you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am looking at all my words
Counting backwards from 12
And hiding myself in my notebooks.
There is no one for you
But you.
There has never been another that could fit into yr locket.
Another failure shines it’s light
Take a day
Gather the glow
Of a day that you will hide like a handgun.
Chalk board mothers
Wipe away yr memories.
Let’s tally another branch broken
Off your fucked-up family tree.
I am still a sad kid
Playing hide ‘n seek
With father and mother
Making me see something, hopefully and magically
I’ve made a bed
With yr hand written notes
And put us out of our misery.
How I will adore the death of us
Make more sense out of this insanity
Than someone ever could by loving me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lazy eyes
Don’t lose yr minds eye for me
I’ll hold this bed
All the way until I cry through the floor boards
And I will wash away me
With a heart made of shit and semen.
I’ll gather a marbled eye lover
And spit in her face
Tell her how adoration is for the heavens
And how much death I know
In the release of a tether.
Pitter patter goes some bow and arrow
About how falling for you
Was more beautiful and painful
Learned to hate myself more
Learn to love myself more
Learned I’m full of promise in the realms of
Spontaneity and the lack of impulse control.
I can see me
Star sleeved.
And I know
I can be a better me
When I die
When I feel less alive.
When you find a better guy
Better than I ever could be.
You’ll see I was made of cardboard
And cut and pasted font.
I am glad that I didn’t die with yr name on lips last night.
