3.7.06
We let the day hide our mothered ideas far away
Folded truths made of mes and yous
Of the often and too many
You ought to know I’d be better off alone
With a hand made of plastic and loss
I’ll conceal my anythingness
Towards a sea of absolutes
I’m certain of only my finiteness
I’ve known only bitterness and a girl standing next to me but never inside of me.
3.7.06
And a willful mind
A careless heart
With this piece of belief
I deny what I can
I let go of what you had
Assurance is just false hope
With the days made of threads of sad girls
hop scotching all the days away
I want to know a jump so far
That I look into the eyes of ever.
3.7.06
H2O
A sickness was all we had to rely on
A silly heart afforded me this ritual of betraying
terror you brought to my bedside every morning
I will not believe for the sake of lowest common denominators
I was made of mothers with blank checks
I was fashioned out of fathers with quick tongues
All the majesty of sacred death
And reborn hearts
I’m sick to death
Of beliefs that are security blankets
I’m bored to death
With gods that hide behind billboards.
Blood that never clots
Truth that stays and evolves
This is the only water you will ever need.
3.7.06
I am not yours to possess
Stars that sing of something so much more than me
Often we have hidden our sadness
In keyboard rhythms and phone cradles.
Only girls with thin white faces
Can own what was never meant to be possessed
Leaving is such a sudden thing
Like taking off a band aid
Like pulling off your torn stockings.
This is the fire that sings of truth
And we’ll miss you out there all on your own
But you will come back to me
With the left over parts you could not share with others
Made of past holidays and mistletoes.
They’ll say you were perfect all along
And you never needed all the shinny things
And all this time you were busying your hands.
When they were up in the night sky the whole time.
3.7.06
Sleep over the moments
You held me like you had no one
Well I’ve been tired for 6 years
Just counting scars
Like a tree’s rings count years
But all the toothsome moments
Decide me with a softening.
Sworn on days that treat me well
But wonder is pretty and death defying.
And this curiousness has me sick with envy
Courageous to know
What a memory means without the meaning.
What a heart matters without a melody.
I’m certain of little.
I’m unsure of almost everything.
I wish I knew how to hold a hand like yours
Without feeling more alone than ever before.
3.7.06
“1890s Victorian Home”
Pale yellow
A jaundiced wall that peals back memories
Of old hearts tangled in happily ever afters
With a broken chandelier
Wall paper thoughts have stay glued in my heart
How no amount of tearing or pulling
Could remove the thoughts of you
About hard floors and old metal cabinetry
The stillness man made
Facilitates a desperation
To know a heart made like yours
Of fondness for warmth and furnaces
How childhood recollections rekindle this desire
To know a time
When I felt that safe.
3.8.06
With a hand made of make believe
chances with hearts that shine so brilliantly
I often hide yr soul in my shaded moments
I can hold you like a broken child
On a sun shined afternoon
How we can find truth in pain
And pain in truth
I hope you find a death that makes more sense of this life
And your sun shines like the day your mother held you like a secret
But all the doubt
Of a new dawn
A new hurt
Makes you wish for love that feels
Like the ones you never had.
