6.25.05 6:40am
yr the ways i could never
i look to you
when i can't do this
and i feel yr voice on the back of my neck
when i look for stars at night
and tear flesh from inside me
this timber folds with each step
and this memory carries me into the backyard
where we had a slow dance at night fall
where we planted begonias and played in the mud
and now i see love, hidden from yr touch
only the words get lost from me
and i'll never be what so many could be
lying in this basement and crying
yr in need of a someone with stronger hands and bigger
ambitions, yr in need of anyone but me....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rusty water
fills my mouth and lips
this blood pours over
and my cage is splattered with ignorance
of how you could slap me in the face
or kick me in the shin
i will be alone
or with you
i will always hate me
becuz you are worth nothing
but yr all i need to help me not focuss on how much i
hate me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here is what you should of done
with the video store fines and roll of film
taken yr name off the tally
and clung to the thoughts of doing and not thinking
it is around this time of the year
that I watch for falling stars
and kiss phantom care-takers
how I miss so many days
how I drink so many nights away
hoping to delay the self-inflicted torture
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i really miss this 6.25.05
i cut into my leg yesterday
as i drove by yr house
the stop light turned red
and i just dug deeper
i hoped some pick-up truck would end me
but tragedy always has a way of finding me
but somehow it will only come half-heartedly
and i will live long and only grow to hate me more
with blood running down my leg
i can count how many days since you last kissed me
i can count how many days since i last touched yr hand
i can count how many days since we last made love
i can count how many days since i last heard yr laugh
but let me count how many cuts on my wrist
to tally up the margin of victory
of how much i will always hate me
you will make yr way with out a cry
and i will lie here in my own waste
cursing the days with razor blades and sleeping pills.
