You crawled into my bed
Took away my indecision
Made up my mind
With all the far away care
Too much for me to take
All I want is a touch
That makes more sense
Of this pale sick look
I want more than blood
I need fractures and brokenness
I need death that leaves me numb
So I take one last swallow
A mouth pill filled coda
Some words written in this notebook
About my bouts with my poor reflections
About how you were never enough
About my hands shaking to reach inside you.
And how I never could get to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And there you were written in my mind
Over played like something I love
That I can never get enough of
My angels of haste how you always leave me
When I am without words to be still these nervous hands
Run from this heart that hurries me to my bedroom
And battens the doors with torn cords and over turned picture frames
All I do is carved into parts of you
All I want is buried deep inside of you
every time I cry it gets a little harder
To believe in something like care or concern
To believe that the only thing to wish for,
Is clean sheets,
And miracles made of wounds that heal more than love.
I wished away
Words you carefully spoke
Because a bit of hope
Hurts more than a chest full of doubt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rush away from a reminder that shines warm
you have always known me
to stay inside me
And wrap myself into yr restful eyes
Hold back yr wordless lyrics
Made of projections and strangers kisses
I Don’t take comfort in a mouth full of blood.
And You can’t have a hand without arms.
So work with yr eyes closed
And pour over the days past
With primrose futures
That seem more glass and fragile
Than steel and firm.
This is an absolute truth,
Me afraid that waiting for failure, while borne of serial sadness
Will always be plagued of death and disease.
I’ll turn deaf ears to joy and care, with an echo repeating pretty emptiness.
