i will give the worst of you
that you gave to me
to the next asshole who walks by
and you rolled yr eyes and laughed and stole my kiss
i don't miss you when i look at yr picture
i don't miss being kicked when i am down
i am not alone
when i press my face against the glass
i am only one person
but i seem to take on all the duties of the strangers who tell me what to do
i seem to take on the blame for what i couldn't have done
and born of the worried ways
the cast stones
and mistaken stayed aways
i am both redundant and removed
with my hands cut from rope burns
taking and making new nooses for the better times to come
will these days do me in, or shall i?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she'll have to call me first
before i crawl to the back porch
and nail floor boards over the basement stairs
and work up the strength
to take a shower
to give myself a shave
to feel for the least of the world
(i will lie right to my face)
i am not worth yr fucking time
i am going to do what you thought i was going to do so long ago
somehow you had faith in me
somehow you believed the lies i was telling myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the day
was strewn over and over
with dirty clothes and caked pans and saucers
walks without hands to hold
meals for one
out to eat
with only my backpack to share exchanges
my sympathies for mine and mine alone
i don't need a hand
i don't need yr bullshit excuse
about why you never read my mail
i am unremembering.
r.
